In my blog post Seeing the Light, I wrote about how God healed me of anxiety when I was 22 years old. I was healed of it for about ten years then when I was 32 years it came back. I had pretty bad anxiety after a accident when I was 45 years old Then the anxiety got really bad during the pandemic and I had been struggling ever since.
Today I watched a daily service at Catholic church named St Jude’s and at the end everyone prayed together to ask St. Jude to pray for them and I prayed along. I asked St. Jude to pray that God would heal me of this anxiety and take it away.
I have a dentist appointment today and after I took my shower, I felt really anxious at about 11:30 a.m. Then around 12:30 p.m. a feeling of peace came over me, similar to how it felt when God healed me of anxiety the first time. Only time will tell if I am completely healed, but I believe asking St Jude to pray for me made a difference.
This blog post is a thank you to St Jude for praying for me. He was an apostle of Jesus. He is the patron saint of impossible causes and hopeless cases, and I have asked him more than once to pray for me and for friends.
Last fall I fasted and prayed a novena (which is nine days of prayer) to St Jude to asked him to pray for a friend, who had a tumor on her bladder. When the doctor went in to perform surgery on it, he could not find anything. The tumor was gone.
You might think praying to saints this sounds strange if you are not Catholic, or Eastern Orthodox or Anglican, and I used to struggle with asking saints to pray for us but there has been too many prayers answered to deny the power of it.
I have experienced God’s awe-inspiring everlasting love and God’s wrath. This is the story of when I experienced God’s wrath as an unbeliever.
When I didn’t believe in Jesus and was worshipping pagan gods and goddesses and practicing witchcraft, I experienced God’s wrath. I was terrified when He poured out His wrath on me that day. After praying Our Father, Hail Mary and Glory Be prayers over and over again (Ihad memorized those prayers earlier in my life) for hours, and asking God to forgive me, His wrath finally subsided. After I got home the next day after driving 24 hours, I threw out all of my occult books, crystals, and jewelry.
Feeling God’s wrath was terrifying and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. When I experienced God’s wrath He was fed up with me and my sins. I had it coming to me, and I deserved it.
After that experience I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt, Jesus was coming back soon. I wish I knew when Jesus was coming back but have no idea when that will be. But one thing I do remember is when I was driving through what felt like heaven on earth after God relented on his wrath, I saw a sign on a church that said, “Prepare to Meet Your God.” Those words are in one of the verses in the Book of Amos in the Old Testament. I suggest everyone read it.
That morning when I when I woke up to hearing God yell at me, it was like I had entered another dimension or had entered a portal. I can’t describe it, but I was terrified. I couldn’t breathe right and I was coughing a lot. My throat was burning and so was my chest. I saw rainbow-colored beams of light that were coming out of my chest, and that light went on forever. But what I was feeling was the worst, it felt like God had left me and I was surrounded by evil. I called local churches and asked them to pray for me. It was a Friday and a lot of the churches I called were closed that day. I tried to get away from that feeling and had to get out of the house. Then I started driving and I didn’t know where I was going. I drove all day and all night.
The next morning, I was still driving and I ended up taking an exit that led me to a town somewhere. I didn’t know where I was but after I took that exit it was like I had driven into hell on earth. I was trying to find a way out and came across a park named Performance Park and I drove through it. After I drove through it the scenery seemed nicer and the sun was shining. I still could not find my way out though to get back on the highway and drove around some more. Finally, I came to another park. This park was named Endurance Park, I could have turned arounds in this park, but I drove through it. Now things seemed even better, but I still could not find a way to drive out of this town. Then I came across another park. It was named the Court Park, and I drove into that park. I saw a man wearing a white shirt who had blonde hair and he was looking out the window of a of a brown brick building. I had to turn around in a driveway near that building and as soon as I left that park, I felt like I was in heaven on earth. All the music on my radio was about Jesus. I felt like my car was hovering, and it would have been impossible to get in a car accident there because it was so easy to drive. As I drove around enjoying myself, I knew things. I knew Jesus was there, but I couldn’t see Him because He was physically somewhere else. I also knew how many prayers you prayed while on the old earth determined how much money you had here on the new earth. I finally found a way out of that place and drove back onto the highway. I saw a sign for a big city and there is no city or town with that name in the state I live in. I knew I could drive anywhere I wanted to go in this place, even Hawaii! I thought things would stay like heaven on earth, but not long after driving on the highway I saw a billboard for vodka and heard a Rolling Stones song on the radio. I knew I was no longer on the new heavenly earth.
When I finally drove home, I went to sleep and slept for a long time. I threw out every book I had on the occult, buried all the crystals and threw out all the other occult things I had. I knew Jesus was coming back and I felt compelled to tell everyone I met when I worked as a temporary staffing person.
I wasted a lot of money and time on the new age and occult, and everything learned was a lie straight from satan. But the thing is, I chose to go down that path, no one forced me to do it. Everyone has the free will to choose between evil and good. Please don’t get caught believing the enemy’s lies before it is too late. The outcome will not be good, and you will regret it, because after you die there is no mercy to those who are on same path I was on. It is final and there is no turning back then.
I haven’t always had issues with driving. .I did from age sixteen to age twenty-two. The reason why I didn’t like driving is it made me anxious.
When I was twenty-two years old, I was working seasonal jobs and had to depend on others for rides to and from work. I hadn’t gotten my driver’s license in high school because that year because the school had a manual stick shift car and the one time I drove was awful. I quit high school in my junior year of high school and worked instead. I didn’t like depending on people, but I was afraid to drive because every time I drove the anxiety got worse. I couldn’t go to the mall because of anxiety, and I was a mess.
In 1987 my brother had been gone for over a year then after committing suicide the previous year. My relationship with God was pretty good then in my opinion, even though I thought Jesus was lesser than God and didn’t have as much power. I loved Jesus but didn’t understand anything about Him.
One morning while I was getting ready for work, I had just taken a shower and was on my way upstairs. I had a cup of coffee in one hand and was standing at the foot of the stairs to go up to my room. I turned on the hall light, and I looked up and, all I could see was white light then it disappeared. When I saw the light I couldn’t see the stairs, all I saw was light. I looked again and everything looked normal and I wasn’t seeing spots like the kind you see when looking at a light bulb. I didn’t really think too much about it and climbed the stairs. But all day at work I thought about the vision. What was God trying to tell me? It reminded me of the dream Jacob had in the book of Genesis. Jacob saw a stairway to heaven with angels going up and down the stairs in his dream. I had asked God to let me see what Jesus looks like on my birthday one year, so maybe that was His answer. As the bible says Jesus is the light of the world and I think I literally saw that light of Jesus Christ
John 8:12 NIV Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness but will have the light of life.”
John 9:5 NIV “While I am in the world, I am the light of the world.”
Psalms 18:28 NIV Lord, You keep my lamp burning; My God turns my darkness into light.
Isaiah 60:1 NIV “Arise, shine, for your light has come, and the glory of the Lord rises upon you.”
1 John 1:5 This is the message we have heard from Him and declare to you: God is light and in Him there is no darkness at all.
As the new year started, I started feeling peace come over me. It would start at the top of my head and wash down over me. It was like God had a bucket full of peace and He was pouring it over me. It happened many times over the next three and a half months. Which reminds me of the bible verse in Joel 2:28-32 where it talks about God pouring out His Spirit over people in the last days and people would dream dreams and see visions.
My job had ended in December, and I tried to file unemployment in January. I spoke to a man who had answered the phone I told him about my situation. I told I didn’t drive and there were no taxis, or busses where I lived so I would have a harder time finding a job than most people because I depended on people for transportation. He was not sympathetic at all. He said I had to get my driver’s license and my claim was denied.
At first, I didn’t know what I was going to do so prayed and asked God to help me. Then I had an idea to hire a driving instructor so I looked up instructors in the phone book and called one of them listed and found one I could afford. I hired the instructor and started driving with her not long after. As I drove more, I became more confident except for parallel parking. I was terrible at it.
On the day I took my test in March, I prayed all day that whoever tested me would not make me parallel park. God heard that prayer. I passed the first time and the man said to me: “I don’t know why you waited so long.” I was ecstatic because I felt so free! I wouldn’t have to depend on people driving me around and I could get a job and drive myself.
Then in 2010 I hit a steel power pole head on when the roads were glare ice, and I thought I was going to die. The car was totaled and I was barely left with a scratch from the airbags deploying. God kept me safe, but for some reason the anxiety I felt when driving I was younger came back unfortunately. I keep praying God will take it away and I believe some day he will.
Don’t ever think God doesn’t hear your prayers. Sometimes He answers right away, sometimes it takes a while, and sometimes He says no. But He always hears us. He is always with you wherever you are.
One night I prayed to God and I also asked St Joseph, the stepfather of Jesus, to pray that God would protect me because according to the Catholic church he is the terror of demons. Then I laid down for a little while. I heard the following bible verse in my spirit: “Jesus is my strength and my shield.” After I heard that I immediately got up and went to my computer to look up the verse. The verse is Psalm 28:7, and it said, “The Lord is my strength and my shield.” The only thing that was different was God’s title. But Jesus was God on earth, He is God incarnate and He is God resurrected from the dead.
What other god sacrificed himself for people because he wants to be with them in heaven? What other god changed the world so much? What other god is continually healing and providing? What other god is constantly is creating? What other god loves you and only wants the best for you? What god gives you peace? What god calls you, his child? What other god rose from the dead after being dead for three days? I have studied a lot of different religions, and I can’t ever remember reading about any other god but God of the Christians calls people His children and loves them. Not in Hinduism, not in Buddhism, not in Islam, not in Greek mythology not Egyptian in mythology No other gods loves us like the Father God.
In the beginning of 2001, I was very depressed. I had health problems, and I had just gone on disability at the end of 2000, and I was no longer working. I wasn’t eating much and I wasn’t sleeping much. I lost a lot of my friends because of it. I would have felt so much better if I would have just been able to get some sleep because I was exhausted.
That year it was a dreary cold winter. Then one day during that cold winter I remember looking at one of my plants after I watered it. The leaves on the schefflera plant come to a point on each end but that day I found a heart shaped leaf. I was amazed and happy. I decided to see if any of the other leaves looked different. And what do you know? I found another one. I found two heart shaped leaves on the same plant on the same day. It reminded me of the Sacred Hearts of Jesus and Mary.
I took the leaves and pasted them on the inside of a card that said, “nothing is impossible with God” on the front of it. I cherished that card and kept it for years until one day I got mad at God and ripped it up. I regretted it instantly. I pray someday God will transform in secret two more leaves on the schefflera plant again, but if He doesn’t, I will be okay. He gave that gift to let me know He sees me and cares. and I will cling to that.
Lord Jesus Christ, pour out your Spirit over me I want to feel your presence I want to know your way Pour it out again like you have done before I want to feel your peace Forgive me for my sins help me begin again Refresh my weary soul and restore me so, I am whole again.
A couple of years ago I had a dream. In my dream I was sent an invitation. The invitation reminded me of a very colorful wedding invitation. It had multicolored flowers on it with gold trim. The words on it said, “You are invited to be a maid’ and signed from God. It was an invitation to work for God. The invitation also said I would have Sundays for a day off.
When I woke up, I was so amazed by my dream. The invitation looked expensive and very pretty. In all my life, I have never seen such a beautiful invitation. It makes sense though because God is my treasure. I long for His peace and presence in my life, and when I don’t feel it, God feels far away.
I was depressed before the dream because I don’t work anymore and felt like I had no purpose because of it. I felt like I wasn’t having any positive effect on anyone because I rarely drive anymore or go places because of anxiety and chronic pain. I didn’t used to be quite this anxious until I got hurt during the pandemic. I couldn’t drive for six months because of pain I was feeling. During that time, I had a protestant Christian counselor that didn’t help me at all. In fact, I think he did more harm than good. But writing is therapeutic for me, and I feel better after I write down my feelings. It is a way I can heal my soul and mind from the damage that counselor did.
I decided to write a blog as my way of serving God and share God’s love. All of my poetry is about God. Thanks for reading.
I pray every day. I also look at my blog stats every day, and I can tell which country the people reading my blog are living in. I know in some of the countries, people are being persecuted for their faith terribly by their own governments and family members because they believe in Jesus. I cannot imagine what you are going through because you love Jesus. I pray for your safety and protection and just wanted to let you know I care.
Glory Be Prayer: All glory and honor be to God the Father, Jesus Christ the Son and the Holy Spirit, as it was in the beginning, is now, and will be forever, Amen.
The Lord’s Prayer: Our Father who is in heaven, hallowed be Your name, Your kingdom come, and Your will be done on earth, as it is in heaven. Give us today, our daily bread, and forgive for our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us, do not let us fall into temptation but deliver us from evil, for the kingdom, the power and the glory are Yours now and forever, Amen.
Hail Mary: Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with you. Blessed are you among women and blessed is the fruit of your womb, Jesus. Holy Mary Mother of God pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death. Amen.
Prayer: Holy God, Holy Mighty One, Holy Immortal One, have mercy on us and have mercy on everyone in the world, in the name of Jesus Christ I pray, Amen.
MKR Prodigal Daughter Christian Perspectives from a Prodigal 